When life handed me a Canadian Husband, Two Energetic Kids and a Dog with ADHD,
I made myself some Organized Chaos!

Thursday, May 15, 2014

Ways I can be a good mom.

There are so many "ideas" of how to be a good mom.  How we can become the next "super mom"?  All these ideas and ways are just a path for us to strive for but we are humans and we all have flaws.  The super mom status is impossible to accomplish all day every day.  We may have moments of super mom status but then we stubble and we have a human moment and that is OK.  When I sat down to write what I think I can do to be a Good Mom this is what I came up with.  I FAIL at these DAILY but this is really what I strive for.  Also these are in NO PARTICULAR order!  

1. Put my marriage ahead of the kids.  I struggled with understanding this and still put my husband on the back burner but it makes sense.  This doesn't mean I am off running around leaving the kids behind all the time but this does mean cherishing the relationship with my husband.  My kids will be around for 18 years then they are off and on their own.  They will have their own relationships and lives.  I won't be the center of it.  I need to keep developing, strengthening and exploring our relationship with my spouse because he will be there a lot longer.  I will be making a huge mistake by waiting until the kids are gone.  By then we will be strangers to each other. Also this relationship is what our children grow watching, learning from and will copy.  I will the example they will remember.  

2. Be Patient.  I know you are laughing right now because I laughed when I typed it. That can be hard and if anything being patient is a test.  But if I sit back and look at crazy moments in life.  Then I compare those crazy moments that I had patience with and the crazy moments I lacked patience.  Which moments were more successful?  Counting to 10 in my head and saying a silent prayer helps me.  Also making fun of the situation in my head works for me too.  What works for you?

3.  Mommy Time-Outs EXIST and I need to take one!  Oh how I wish I knew they were real earlier in my life.  These time-outs are needed when you feel your patience vanishing completely or you feel a mommy melt down sneaking up on you. Mommy time-outs are different for each mom.  If I have a 1 year old, I would place my baby into their crib or playpen, place a few toys with them and then sit at the kitchen table for 3 minutes.  But now that my kids are older I tell them I need a mommy time-out and they get it.  I go into my room and I fall face first into my bed.  Five to ten minutes later I can get back to life. I do think it is kind of a rip off because when we put our kids in time-outs we put them there for a minute for each year alive.  Why can't I have that!?  I could use a 31 minute time-out. :)

4. Know my child is an individual.  My oldest does not learn, feel, fear, love the same as my youngest.  I have to make sure we learning their love language, their fears, their comforts and not expect them to be the same as others.   

5.  Be their biggest fan!  I am their cheerleader and will always be their #1 fan. 

6.  I need to be the person I want them to be when they grow up. I am their primary example. 

7.  Do Not Judge!  What kind of an example is that for my kids if I judge others?  They learn from us!  But also judging pushes away others and as moms we cannot develop relationships with other moms when that is at the front!  As moms we need relationships with other moms to survive and to be good moms.  Other moms are amazing outlets to frustrations, conflicts but also an amazing people to celebrate with!  We are all hot messes.  We may be able to make it look like we have it all together but just admit we are hot messes!  :)

8.  Speak the truth.  Sugar coating things and lying about life situations are not going to help them in the long run. Now there is an age appropriate way of telling the truth! 

9.  Show Integrity!  Live like I say I am going to.  Be an Example in all ways of life.  

10.  Show my kids the unconditional, crazy love I have for them!!  I know there is a difference between spoiling them, helicoptering them and loving them sooo much.  You can't over love your child!  

11. Teach them to help others. Thinking outside themselves.  

12.  Teaching them to be polite.  This is important in all situations.  

13.  Teaching them gratitude.  Nobody in this world owes you anything.  I am not above anyone on earth and nobody is above me (in general).  Show gratitude to all.  

14.  Be Available!   When they "call” I need to put everything down.  Don't multi-task when they are talking.  

15.  Give them freedom to fail.  It is OK to fail (it is natural) and it will happened.  It is what happeneds after that matters.  

16.  Asking for forgiveness and forgiving.  I need to let them see both.  They will need to see an example of the mature Christ like ways of doing both.  

17.  Work hard.  Teaching them to work hard for little is important.  Opportunities, money, possession will not be just handed to you.  

18.  Allow them to talk out their feelings, cry on my shoulder, be angry and show happiness.  It is so important that they feel as their home is a safe place for them to express their feelings but then to grown from those feelings.  

19.  Make sure they know that I will never give up on them.  As much as things can tough or frustrating I am here and I will be here for them good, bad and everything in between.

20.  God loves them!  His unconditional love is enough and the greatest gift of all!   Everything on this earth is temporary.  God has an amazing place waiting for us! 

What other ideas do you have?  Thoughts?  Reactions?