When life handed me a Canadian Husband, Two Energetic Kids and a Dog with ADHD,
I made myself some Organized Chaos!

Wednesday, April 3, 2013

Perfect Mommy Friends?

We are on Chapter 6 in our No More Perfect Mom study.  This chapter is called No More Perfect Friends. I tend to be a broken record when it comes to this book but I LOVE IT!! 

I am going to start off by paraphrasing Jill’s Mommy Manners.  They are great!

*When you go to someone’s house and you bring your kiddos make sure you help clean up their toys before they leave.  This is not only a great lesson for your kids in responsibility and respect but it shows your hostess respect too. 

*If you are in a public place or a quiet place and your child starts to fuss or starts being a little louder, take a minute and walk out of the area.  Allow your child to settle down before you go back.  This is just respectful for everyone around you. 

*You baby decides to dirty their diaper while you are visiting someone’s house.  Do not leave the stinky diaper in their trash can.  You can do one of two things that is way more respectful.  1. Carry a plastic bag that you can put it in and then dispose of it later.  2. Ask for the location of the outdoor garbage to dispose of it. 

*After someone has a baby, give her a call when you are at the store and offer to pick up any basic family needs.  Example; milk, eggs, or eggs. 

*Always RSVP promptly to invitations that your children receive.  No matter if it is a Yes or No!

*Offer to pay for gas when sharing a ride to your children’s out of town sporting events.

*Offer to hold a door open for a mom that is going into a store with a stroller. 

*Be the first to wave when you are walking or driving down your street. 

*If your kids and a neighbor’s kid is going to the same even, offer to take them.

*When your child has someone spend the night make sure their shoes, bag and sleeping bag are 
ready and by the door when the parents come and pick them up. 

*When you go over to someone’s house for a lunch play date make sure you offer to bring the 
lunch, snack, drinks or whatever else to make things easier on the hostess. 

*Respect other mom’s way of doing things.  She may not do them the way you do and that is ok.

*Do not interrupt another mom’s story.  Let her talk.  If she needs to vent, let her.  LISTEN! 

*If you have two children that are close to the same age and one child gets an invitation to do something with another child.  Do not assume that the other child can tag along. 

*Remember how you act…little eyes are watching. 

***These were paraphrased by me but I love her rules she presents.  Oh how we forget basics.

I was thinking about all the mommy manners and then I was thinking about how relationships in our lives (mommy relationships) can be so hard. Think about it. We go through our school age years worrying about what other girls think.  Trying to fit in, trying to be one of the girls in a group.  Then we become adult and we still are trying to figure out where we fit in with other woman.  But those years we are only trying to fit in.  Now I have two kids in tow and my mommy ways are being criticized or watched.  So I have 10 times more stress when trying to develop friendships with other moms. 

Being a mom now for almost 11 years I have had my frustrations developing friendships with moms.  I always blamed other mom’s because hey that is the easy thing to do.  Now almost 11 years into this I finally realized what I was doing wrong.  Yes, I was being JUDGMENTAL.  My expectations were too high and my ways I thought should be everyone else’s ways.  The day I decided to just throw out my expectations, throw away my dreams of finding a mom that parents the way I do, open my mind, open my heart, show some grace and just be patient I started to make friends.  When I did this I thought it was going to be easy but I have to constantly remind myself to get rid of the crap in my head or heart.  We are all human and God created each one of us different for a reason.  He has given us free will.  So I may parent or act one way and someone other mommy the complete opposite and that is OK! 

I was then thinking about “mommy” groups that are around us and honestly a lot of them are intimidating.  I think the most intimidating “mommy group” is the PTO.  LOL…yes I am in this “group” and yes I still have moments I feel uncomfortable but PTO allowed me to step out of my comfort zone.  I started going to PTO meetings last year and I was terrified.  When I walked in I compared myself to the other mom’s and really put myself down.  I was doing the “Comparing someone’s outsides to my insides!”   Trust me my insides felt like crap and everyone else was looking pretty good to me.  But I also knew that if I just pushed all of my feelings to the side that this would be a great place to start a new community of mommy friendships in my life.  I was right.  It is my messy feelings or insecurities and my high expectations that put a halt on any and all friendships that could potentially be developed. 

So here is what I want to challenge all you mommies out there. 

*Get rid of your expectations! 

*Understand that you parent your way because you love your family and know what is best for them.  I parent my way because I love my family and know what is best for them.  The lady down the street parents her way because she loves her family and knows what is best for them.

*Do something.  Get out of your comfort zone!  Step out.  In Jill’s words “add more friends to your friend bank!”

* Ask a mom and her kids that you haven’t hung out with before to the park for a “mini” play date. 

*Send a card to a mommy.  An encouraging card! 

*Call a friend you haven’t talked to in a while. 

*Find a new walking buddy!

Put yourself out there.  Make a new friend this week.  Jill says in her book;

“Friendships are an important part in mothering. We desperately need each other.”