When life handed me a Canadian Husband, Two Energetic Kids and a Dog with ADHD,
I made myself some Organized Chaos!

Monday, April 23, 2012

Strange and Gross Things

I was cleaning up the office and I ran into a book Tanner (my oldest) has.  It is called Weird and Gross Bible Stuff!  So I started to think, " What really weird and gross stuff can I find in the bible?"  With a little reading and then researching...here is what I found out.  Be prepared!  :)  FYI...I didn't get this out of Tanner's book! 


So David sent messengers to Ish-bosheth, Saul’s son, saying,
 “Give me my wife Michal, to whom I was betrothed
 for a hundred foreskins of the Philistines.”
2 Samuel 3:14

Yeah that is gross!! He got is wife foreskins of a hundred guys he killed!  Yeah...That would be fun to open!  


"But as for you, take wheat, barley, beans, lentils, millet and spelt,
 put them in one vessel and make them into bread for yourself;
 you shall eat it according to the number of the days that you lie on your side,
 three hundred and ninety days.  Your food which you eat shall be
 twenty shekels a day by weight; you shall eat it from time to time.
 The water you drink shall be the sixth part of a hin by measure;
 you shall drink it from time to time.
 You shall eat it as a barley cake,
 having baked it in their sight over human dung.”
Ezekiel 4:9-12

So God is trying to make a point here about the people of Israel eating unclean food when they go into exile but come on he wants them to make a poop cake!  


On the first day of the week, when we were gathered together to break bread,
Paulbegan talking to them, intending to leave the next day,
 and he prolonged his message until midnight. 
 There were many lamps in the upper room where we were gathered together. 
 And there was a young man named Eutychus sitting on the window sill, 
sinking into a deep sleep; and as Paul kept on talking, 
he was overcome by sleep and fell down from the third floor and was picked up dead.  
But Paul went down and fell upon him, and after embracing him, 
he said, “Do not be troubled, for his life is in him.” 
 When he had gone back up and had broken the bread and eaten, 
he talked with them a long while until daybreak, and then left.  
They took away the boy alive, and were greatly comforted.
 Acts 20:7-12

This isn't cool.  Paul made someone so bored with his sermon that a guy fell asleep and since he was sitting on the edge of a window, he fell out. The story ends well with Paul resurrecting the poor guy.  But man, that is not good!  


But when Herod’s birthday came, 
the daughter of Herodias danced before them and pleased Herod,  
so much that he promised with an oath to give her whatever she asked. 
 Having been prompted by her mother, she *said, 
“Give me here on a platter the head of John the Baptist.” 
Although he was grieved, the king commanded it to be given because of his oaths, 
and because of his dinner guests.  He sent and had John beheaded in the prison.  
And his head was brought on a platter and given to the girl, 
and she brought it to her mother.
Matthew 14:6-11

So Herold's niece dances for him at his birthday.  That in itself is kinda gross.  Anyways he likes it and so he offers her anything.  She asks for a man's dead and his head on a platter!  Really, that is what she wanted.  I was thinking she would ask for some purple material or something.  Interesting!  


Then he went up from there to Bethel; 
and as he was going up by the way, 
young lads came out from the city and mocked him and said to him, 
“Go up, you baldhead; go up, you baldhead!”  
When he looked behind him and saw them, he cursed them in the name of the LORD. 
Then two female bears came out of the woods 
and tore up forty-two lads of their number.
2 Kings 2:23-24

This one kind of makes me giggle a little.  So these kids were making fun of Elisha.  Elisha was bald and they were poking at that!  Elisha wasn't going to take that so he cursed them and two bears came and tore them up!!  Then End.  


Then Noah began farming and planted a vineyard. 
He drank of the wine and became drunk, and uncovered himself inside his tent.
 Ham, the father of Canaan, saw the nakedness of his father, 
and told his two brothers outside. 
 But Shem and Japheth took a garment and
 laid it upon both their shoulders and walked backward and 
covered the nakedness of their father; and their faces were turned away, 
so that they did not see their father’s nakedness.
Genesis 9:20-23

Noah got into the wine too much and passed out.  But he didn't just pass out he passed out naked.  Thank goodness his kiddos saved him from too much embarrassment by covering him up.  


 A young man, wearing nothing but a linen garment, 
was following Jesus. When they seized him, he fled naked,
 leaving his garment behind.
Mark 14:51-42

First streaker?  


No one who has been emasculated by crushing or 
cutting may enter the assembly of the LORD.
Deuteronomy 23:1 

Well, I guess their has to be some kind of boundaries!  REALLY!!

I think 8 weird or gross things are good enough for a morning blog!
  Have a WONDERFUL Monday!