When life handed me a Canadian Husband, Two Energetic Kids and a Dog with ADHD,
I made myself some Organized Chaos!

Friday, April 20, 2012

Friday Fun Day! Jokes

Sometimes you get to Friday and you just need to laugh!!  That has kind of been my week so I will laugh and hopefully these things will make you laugh!!

One Liners

A day without sunshine is like, night. 

Women who seek to be equal to men lack ambition. 

Blood Tests

Two children were sitting outside a clinic. One of them was crying very loudly.
2nd Child: Why are you crying? 
1st Child: I came here for a blood test. 
2nd Child: So? Are you afraid? 
1st Child: No. For the blood test, they cut my finger. 

At this, the second one started crying profusely. The first one was astonished. 

1st Child: Why are you crying now? 
2nd Child: I came for a urine test!

Super Bowl (BTW...HORRIBLE!  LOL)

A guy finally got tickets to the Super Bowl, but his seats were in the nosebleed section -- but he didn't care, he had always dreamed of going to the Super Bowl. So he wants to find a seat closer to where he can see better. He finds this seat toward the front and he asks the guy next to it whether anyone is sitting there.

The guy replies, "No, because my wife just died." 

"Well," says the first man, "why didn't you just bring a friend or relative?" 

The guy replied, "Oh, they're all at the funeral."

You know you're a mom when... (I highlighted the ones that I really loved!!)
  1. You count the sprinkles on each kid's cupcake to make sure they're equal.
  2. You want to take out a contract on the kid who broke your child's favorite toy and made him/her cry.
  3. You have time to shave only one leg at a time.
  4. You hide in the bathroom to be alone.
  5. Your child throws up, and you catch it.
  6. Someone else's kid throws up at a party, and you keep eating.
  7. You consider finger paint to be a controlled substance.
  8. You mastered the art of placing large quantities of pancakes and eggs on a plate without anything touching.
  9. Your child insists that you read Once Upon a Potty out loud in the lobby of the doctor's office, or, better yet, in the lobby of a Grand Central Station... and you do it.
  10. You hire a sitter because you haven't been out with your husband in ages, then spend half the night talking about and checking on the kids.
  11. You hope ketchup is a vegetable because it's the only one your child eats.
  12. You cling to the high moral ground on toy weapons, while your child chews his toast into the shape of a gun.
  13. You can't bear the thought of your son's first girlfriend.
  14. You hate the thought of his wife even more.
  15. You donate to charities in the hope that your child won't get that disease.
  16. You find yourself cutting your husband's sandwiches into unusual shapes.
  17. You fast-forward through the scene when the hunter shoots Bambi's mother.
  18. You use your own saliva to clean your child's face.
  19. You obsess when your child clings to you upon parting during his first month at school, then obsess when he skips in without looking back the second time.
  20. You can't bear to give away baby clothes -- it's so final.
  21. You hear your mother's voice coming out of your mouth when you say, "Not in your good clothes!"
  22. You stop criticizing the way your mother raised you.
  23. You read that the average five year old asks 437 questions a day and feel proud that your kid is above average.
  24. You say at least once a day, "I'm not cut out for this job", but you know you wouldn't trade it for anything in the world...
  25.  You've stuck a pacifier in your mouth just to clean it off!
  26.  When you start looking at diaper bags the same as you did those awesome leather purses currently hanging in your closet.
  27. When you have more children than dollars in your purse.
  28. You don't even shut the door to go to the bathroom.
  29. When you wake up with extra people in bed with you.
  30.  If everything you ever need is on the floor of your car. 
  31.  Every time you go to the bathroom your 2.5 year-old comes with you, hands you the toilet paper, demands to see the contents of the toilet, flushes for you and applauds you. 
  32. Upon noticing a stain or wet patch on your clothing you no longer ask “hmm, what is that?”  
  33. You suddenly realize that your husband is no longer the primary person whose inner life is frustratingly mysterious to you.  
  34.  You no longer think that terror and joy are incompatible emotions, as they have become your way of life.
  35.  You have tried at least once to put your husband in time out
  36. You shower by using a baby wet wipe.
  37. You say, "Beep, beep!" to a total stranger in a store cause you can't get your cart past them. 
  38. A good day means there was no "owies", no yelling, you weren't late & the house is still "relatively" clean!
  39. You sing along to kiddie shows
  40. You can go out in public and not care what you are wearing
  41. You use the money on your kids instead of getting a haircut or buying yourself a new pair of shoes
  42. You know where every public restroom is and which ones are the cleanest. 
  43. You dont hesitate to reach out and take chewed gum or wipe a runny nose! 
  44. You KNOW never to talk to your son when he's peeing or risk having the floor soaked in pee because he turns around to talk to you WHILE peeing.

Ok...I just put about 3/4 of them in red!  LOL... Do you have anymore "You are a mom when"?

Have a great Friday!