When life handed me a Canadian Husband, Two Energetic Kids and a Dog with ADHD,
I made myself some Organized Chaos!

Friday, March 23, 2012

5 Love Languages

Love is a choice you make everyday.” 
Gary Chapman

Love Languages are different for everyone.  What is a love language? Gary Chapman identifies 5 love languages in his book “The Five Love Languages”. 

1.    Words of Affirmation
2.    Quality Time
3.    Receiving Gifts
4.    Acts of Service
5.    Physical Touch

Each person has their own love language.  Here is a link to a place that you can actually take a short test to find out your love language.



There several kinds of assessments; wives, husbands, parents/teens, single, children and the language of apology. 

These love languages are the best way for each individual person to feel love and their love tank to fill up!

For example:

My love languages are in order…

1.     Words of affirmation
2.     Acts of service
3.     Physical touch
4.     Receiving gifts
5.     Quality time

My husband’s love languages are in order…

1.    Physical touch
2.    Words of affirmation
3.    Quality time
4.    Acts of service
5.    Receiving gifts

So this means when I clean the house and do all the extra things around the house it doesn't really fill his love tank up.  But if he cleaned something or did something handy that will fill my love tank!  I now know that my words and touch mean a lot to him.   I sometimes I have to literally put it to action each day because my love language is different my husband’s love languages and they don’t come automatic. 

Let’s dissect the love languages…
1.    Words of Affirmation
      a.    Bibles says…
                                          i.    Luke 24:50-51:  Jesus blessed the disciples prior to His ascension
                                          ii.    Matthew 26:10-11:  Jesus stated the woman who washes His feet
                                          iii.    Ephesians 4:29:  We are commanded to speak only words that will communicate grace to people
                                          iv.    1 Corinthians 8:1:  Build up words
                                          v.    Proverbs 18:21:  “Death and life are in the power of the tongue”
b.    To confirm something means to tell the truth and strengthen it
c.    A positive statement—saying the assumed and unspoken about someone
d.    Examples
                                          i.    Thank you
                                          ii.    I appreciate you
                                          iii.    You look really nice today
                                          iv.    I love you
                                          v.    I am so grateful for you
                                         vi.    A note of Thank You

2.    Receiving Gifts
      a.    Bible says…
                                          i.    Ephesians 5:25:  “as Christ love the Church and gave Himself for it.”
                                          ii.    Matthew 7:11: Jesus said god love to give good gifts to His children
                                          iii.    Matthew 15:35-37: Jesus fed the multitudes
                                          iv.    Luke 6:38: “If you give, you will receive.  Your gift will return to you in full measure.”
    b.    Sometimes words don’t mean as much.  Holding something in their hands mean “Look, he was thinking of me” 

       c.    People understand that gifts come as a part of friendship
       d.    A gift is not about the value of the gift but about knowing that you are loved

       e.    Examples…
                                          i.    Flower from a garden
                                          ii.    Candle
                                          iii.    Favorite candy bar
3.    Acts of service
      a.    Bible says…
                                          i.    Luke 22:27: “But I am among you as the one who serves.”
                                          ii.    John 13:1-5: Jesus washed the disciple’s feet
                                          iii.    Matthew 8:16: Jesus healed the multitudes
                                          iv.    Matthew 20:28: Jesus said he came to serve people
                                          v.    Galatians 5:13: “Through love serve one another.”
b.    Serve one another
c.    Attend to others needs
d.    Do things for others; anyone, anywhere, anytime.  Be ready for opportunities
e.    Planning, effort and energy
f.     Examples…
                                          i.    Help with someone’s chores
                                          ii.    Help with the laundry
                                          iii.    Help with the yard work
                                          iv.    Carry someone’s groceries
4.    Quality Time
     a.    Bible says…
                                          i.    Mark 3:13-14: He appointed the 12 so they could be with Him. 
                                          ii.    Matthew 9:10: Jesus had dinner at Matthew’s house
                                          iii.    Luke 19:5-6:  Jesus stayed at Zacchaeus’ house
                                          iv.    Hebrews 10:25: “Let us not neglect our meeting together, but encourage one another.” 
                                          v.    Luke 24:36-46:  Jesus spent time with the disciples
b.    Focusing your energy on the other person and being PRESENT
c.    Experience life together
d.    Quality Time No’s
                                             i.    Watching TV
                                             ii.    Reading
                                             iii.    Playing on the computer/video games
e.    Examples…
                                             i.    One on one dinner
                                             ii.    Go on a walk
                                             iii.    Go shopping
5.    Physical Touch
     a.    Bible says…
                                             i.    Matthew 8:14-15:  Jesus touched His mother-in-law when she was sick and she was healed.  
                                             ii.    Matthew 8:3:  Jesus touched the leper
                                             iii.    Mark 10:16:  Jesus took the children into His arms and put His hands on them
                                             iv.    Romans 16:16: “Greet one another with a  holy kiss.”
b.    Studies say a person needs 7 hugs a day to stay healthy
c.    Most powerful way of communicating love
d.    Examples
                                             i.    Hugs
                                             ii.    Kisses
                                             iii.    Hold hand
                                             iv.    Touch shoulder

So now what?  Easy….Learn your friends, family and loved one’s love language and then act on them.  Don’t waste time doing what you think they like or what you think will fill their love tank up.  Learn it and then do it! 

Thank you to Gary Chapman for such an amazing book!!